Author Archives: nonconformistrebel

I’ve been struggling lately. I have seemingly been blindsided by my current mental health struggles. I had been doing great for so long but it is like after the liver diagnosis the bottom fell out.

Every day is hard, every day is a struggle. I have to keep going and pushing forward because I have to work. It is very hard to function but I have been doing it. Sometimes I was to just burst into tears and put my head down. I’m still going though but sometimes I wonder if it is possible to keep going like this.

I feel bothered because I am frustrated by not feeling well physically. I feel bothered because I am 38 and have been questioning what I really have to look forward to in life. I feel sad. I don’t know what to do about it. If I try to talk about it in therapy I can always rationalize why I should not feel this way but I don’t really believe it.

But anyway, I am still trying.

Today I had a realization. I have been giving my energy and time to people and situations that are not helpful in my physical, mental, and spiritual growth journey. This does not make me feel good. While I may not feel the best about this right now I am glad I realized what I was doing.

So I am going to start fresh and reevaluate all of the people and situations in my life. If they are not nurturing growth and well-being then it is time for them to go. My therapist said what we need to work on is getting me from just surviving to thriving. And I am glad to say I see some things that can change to help me in that process.

I just had to share what was on my mind because it felt like a big breakthrough. Life is constantly changing and situations and goals change with time. But now I know there is work to be done to benefit my inner peace. Wish me luck y’all!

The truth is I am not well and I don’t know why. While I believe it is important to figure out why, that is easier said than done. I have run into a lot of issues with finding a diagnosis and finding a doctor who takes me seriously.

Ball is in my court

I have come to conclude, that my doctor does not care and perhaps is indifferent due to a lack of understanding. Finding a new doctor has been unexpectedly challenging. Thus, I have decided to do all I can to help myself. It is the only thing I can do. So I am going to rewrite my goals and find as much support and guidance as I can online. Which is very hard when you just want to sleep all the time.

Wish me luck.

The burnout prevention is going less than stellar. I am very much in need of rest so I am glad I took Monday off. However, I have 2 more days to go. And today was rough. For some reason, I am not only tired but my entire body hurts pretty badly.

Despite the fatigue and pain, I managed to achieve most of my goals. I got over 10,000 steps and even managed to work out 20 minutes this morning. I did drop the ball somewhat when it came to food. I ended up with 100 calories over my target. I was in so much pain I didn’t want to cook so I ate something quick. I’m not happy about that but will not let it deter me either.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow is a new day and I will achieve all my goals I have no doubt. And hopefully, be in less pain. Until then, make sure you’re being kind to yourself.

It was a rough day. I woke up tired and it took a long time for my brain to get going despite working out this morning. I got through the day by consuming copious amounts of caffeine. Which is a terrible idea because I have hypertension. Hopefully my doctor isn’t reading this lol.

My morning workout

I switched things up by doing working out with a video that wasn’t growwithjo for once. This is Eleni Fit and I had fun with the work out despite being very tired. I will be doing more of her workouts on the future.

My Evening Workout

I hadn’t met my steps yet this evening so I did a second work out. This was a lot of fun and I would recommend this if you are a millennial like I am.

Tough Decisions

So as I have mentioned a few times, I am tired. I decided to take Monday off from work. I did not want to but I can feel my body struggling. I know that no good will come of running my body into the ground by not getting enough rest.

Speaking of being tired

This is how I am ending my day. Until tomorrow I hope you take care of yourself. ❤️

Tonight I decided I was not going to write in my blog. And I decided I was going to make excuses not to accomplish my goals. But that didn’t feel right so I chose to make today another successful day.

Honestly, I am starting to get tired. I do not have a day off from work until July 30th and it is currently July 19th as I am writing this. At this point I usually would have given up but not this time.  I have already decided that.

Plan of action

Tomorrow I am going to get out of bed and workout before work. I am also going to find a reason or two to smile and enjoy the small things in my day to day life. I’m not.sure how great this plan is but it sounds like it should get me through.

Wish me luck

This morning was a bit of a shitshow. Literally. The new cat food I gave Wednesday gave her diarrhea. My first workout today was chasing a cat with a poopy butt. 🤣

In addition to the unexpected work out (lol poor girl). I worked out with growwithjo this morning per usual. I ate more carbs before working out to prevent feeling lightheaded and gross like I did yesterday. That did the trick!

Still killin’ it

I am happy to report I am still very much killing it mentally and physically. I am doing so great I feel like I should add some more goals but I think I will hold off until next month. I don’t want to get overwhelmed of course.

Still room for improvement

I need to make sure I am getting enough rest. So tonight I will meditate and hopefully drift off early. On that note, off I go to bed. See you all tomorrow!

So guess what? I’m still doing pretty good despite not having days off! I credit my new good habits and positive perspective.

How it started

Today I actually woke up early. I worked out with my favorite YouTuber of course.

Still a challenge

I must admit, today I am starving. I am not entirely sure that I am eating enough considering the fact I work out every day. I will take this into consideration tomorrow and take a look at my nutrition. So for tonight I will be sure to eat plenty of leafy greens and go heavier on the good carbs in the morning when I work out.

To summarize

I’m still killing it! 💪

So far my plan to prevent burnout is going great. I woke up this morning not feeling overly tired and pretty positive. Today I decided to fast this morning and afternoon so that I can eat sweets and pizza later without overeating. I know that doesn’t sound like the healthiest plan but I needed motivation in the form of junk food this afternoon.

Another Achievement in My Wellness Journey

Today I did something that was extremely anxiety provoking for me. Budgeting my money is usually an overwhelming activity for me. For a long time I have just avoided doing it because I was scared of a panic attack. Financial wellness is another aspect of overall well being though so it was a challenge worth facing. I am happy to report that did not have a panic attack. In fact I feel better having overcome this obstacle. At least for this paycheck. I am confident I will have even less anxiety facing budgeting next time. 🙂

Physical Wellness

Another 10,000 steps are in the books today. Also, I did another fun workout by the fabulous Growwithjo on YouTube.

Rest

Now that I have checked all of my physical goals off the list, it is time to focus on the mental goals. Which include rest and meditation. Until tomorrow take care of yourself! ❤️

I have done great achieving my health goals for 7 days. The current challenge is keeping up the momentum while working every single day for over 2 weeks. I should add that the even bigger challenge is avoiding burnout.

Step One of Burnout Avoidance Plan

This may sounds counterproductive to avoiding burnout, but I plan to consistently achieve all of my health and overall wellness goals every day. Which can be like working outside of work. The thought process is that if I keep taking care of myself, the better I will feel at the end of this long stretch of working.

Step Two

This step is the one that will be the most obvious, but making time for rest is key. The idea of rest being beneficial is self-explanatory. The ability to fully rest with limited time is the challenge. I am going to make sure I sleep 8-9 hours every night as well as make time for meditation. I will also be sure to spend a little bit of time every day doing absolutely nothing. Even if it is just a half hour.

Step Three

I don’t have step three figured out yet. I am looking for suggestions from other busy people. So if you have any suggestions, please let me know!

Until Tomorrow

I am going to implement my burnout avoidance plan tonight. I hope you have a restful weekend full of positive things.